Richard 'The Man' Green

I just can't pass a bargain

Very refreshing after recent experiences I don't think it's too bad, boys - you know, for amateurs. Why not let me have a 50% share and I'll take you somewhere else.

Is anybody interested in starting another forum? This one's getting tedious. Just like Western's winch - not enough tension. Richard

Hey là Attrill Posso assicurare il vostro gatto dormire con i pesci. Mantenga il vostro labbro abbottonato in su. Il Godfather Green PS Non sono normalmente questo piacevole - è stato una settimana lunga.

Les The trouble with you is that you don't take things seriously. Rather than air our dirty washing in public, can I suggest that my accountants meet yours some time next week - my place, no rush. Richard PS I'm not normally this nice - it's been a long week

Did you say there'd be a film crew there? Do we bring our own make-up? Richard

Hey, Turbocharger. You looking for a fight? Richard PS Did you know I've got a new record out - on the Radio 2 playlist. You can buy it here

Whoah - hold your horses, boys. I think I deserve some of this money. After all, it was me who kicked the whole thing off. That's what we entrepreneurs were put on the planet for. Hows about splitting it 50/50? Richard PS I'm not normally this nice. It's been a long week

Ralph Sorry - must have mistaken the knees for somebody else's. Did you ever have an operation in Tangiers? Richard PS I'm not normally this nice. It's been a long week.

You didn't wear that outfit when you moderated for us, Ralph. Was it something personal? Richard

Not very happy about this. He might attract more subscribers. Just because he knows his stuff and is the right man for the job doesn't automatically mean you should appoint him. What if I lent you the boy Hoddle? He's a lightweight. Richard.

Leslie You no forget what you gotta do for your brother. Grazi. Mille grazi. I like a man who acts like a man, not like a dog in the gutter. So I will overlook - just this once - that you no look up to your betters. Never mind the Mazottas - Mazottas, schmottas! I tell your Mama, Les, if you step outa line. You wanna hurt Mama? No! What's the world coming to, Les? It wasn't like this in Sicily, was it? Just me and the boys around the house, sweating in their tight little vests. Planning how we take over the world with a new Forum. A place for advertisers to get fat like chickens! Where did it go wrong? Hey, I gotta go. The boy Hoddle needs a feed. I'll be back, after I spend time with my stracciamanici. Ciao Les. Richard

Leslie baby I'm bored down here. James Taylor's cutting a new album with Carly Bassey and the boy Hoddle's playing with his lego. So I've started posting on your little Forum. Hope you don't mind. No bad feelings and all that. We're still friends aren't we? You're certainly my friend, Les.... My blood brother..... And you remember what brothers of the blood commit to? You haven't forgotten, Les, have you? La Cosa Nostra. You and me. I need a favour. And I need it fast, or your conrods will be swimming with the fishes. Look - I'll cut to the chase...you know I'm a man of few words.... I don't like the world seeing me described as 'Newbie'. It's not appropriate for a man of my standing in the Land Rover community. It's humiliating - don't they know I've been around the block? I mean, me and websites - we're old mates too. I deserve respect. Look mate, you can fix it....get me a half-decent monicker. I can see myself as 'The Leader' or 'The Visionary' or 'Der Web Fuhrer'. Nothing too flash - anything classy and modest will do. Sort it Les, or I'll come over for a chat. And I won't be alone. I'll be bringing over a few of my own Moderators...capiche? Cacare, donnicciola!! Richard Mess with me and you'll be waking up with a Series 1 head on your frilly pillow case. You've been warned, cacasotto! Don't mess with The Godfather!!

Hey dudes, it's super cool Ricardo Green here. Ciao, chiavata cogliones. I keep hearing rumours that not all is well with you addicts.... Bloody scum, pisciones. Time you punks got your bloody act together. Sort yo'selves out bros. What's that? Shuta your mouth Henson...... Just maka ma day, Mister Leslie - you think yo's hard? Pompinos. I's hard..... I'm The Man. The Green Man. Now I've cracked this internet carp I'm moving into the music industry. They all as stupid as you Landy Pandy nancy boys. Get your wallets out and buy my new CD. Just send £5 by Paypal to treasurer@lr4x4.com [every purchase acknowledged]. Help me make Cliff Richard look like a bad boy. Yo! Ciao! Il vostro amico, Ricardo Green. PS I really is behind you, bros. Recchiones. Really. Aint that so, Mr Scrapiron? [Whispers....'Mr Scrapiron is Capo di tutti Capos'] Yes? Mr Scrapiron says yes, so...hey guys...I really is behind you. Invite me to big boy parties. I'm free most nights. Well, every night actually since that party in Norfolk. Sorry about the dress, Annie.... Well, you borrow some of mine. What you mean I keep busting the zips?