Jump to content

Amateur fault diagnosis


BogMonster
 Share

Recommended Posts

Went out to a vehicle today belonging to our company, the diagnosis I received was that "the clutch has gone" cue much muttering about people who thrash the hell out of transmissions cos they can't change gear etc etc.

So an hour's drive later (taking out a spare vehicle), we found the vehicle, hopped in, neutral, started it, in gear, ok so it doesn't move.

Quickest clutch swap in history, I was fully mobile again in less than ten seconds.

What was the cause??

Transfer box in neutral.... :rtfm: :rtfm: :rtfm:

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh :angry: one day I will learn :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The best/worst "helpful diagnosis" I ever had was with a hire vehicle of ours (Defender 110) about five or six years ago. Stranded at one of the mountain top radar sites in the middle of winter with "a broken rear diff". "How do you know that?" - "well it must be broken, because when we try and drive the vehicle forwards, it drags itself forwards but one of the rear wheels goes backwards".

Hmmm...

bit of head scratching later, how the F did they manage to bust a Salisbury diff on road, ok well I suppose we can pop the halfshafts and rear prop if needed and drive it in diff lock so we went to have a look, a trip down a steep icy road with only front wheel drive was gonna be interesting but we might as well give it a go...

Got there, sure enough, it did what the guy said.

Ah....

Handbrake frozen very very hard on :rolleyes: the vehicle was parked on ice/snow so when you tried to drive forwards it did exactly what he said. No amount of gently rocking it backwards and forwards would free it.

Right.

We are on top of a mountain, in a blizzard, and do NOT feel like climbing under a vehicle in eight inches of snow and 40 knot winds at the present moment.

Diff lock

1st low

3000rpm

Drop clutch

<BANG>

Normal service resumed and drove it home :) (lucky it didn't break something with hindsight but I were young and foolish then :D )

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a customer a few years ago that bought a auto conversion kit for a 300 TDi defender, he put it in and phoned me up efffing and blinding that it only had 2 gears, only did 30 mph and I had ruined his landrover,

I got in my car and drove 3 hours to him and immeadiatly test drove the vehicle,

upon my return I said it seems to drive OK, you did know it was in low range didn't you ?

didn't even get a sorry or a thank you,

Dave

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Years ago, had a customer who i had just sold a range rover auto to, after 5 days, was back on the blower, shouting the odds about it was burning more oil that petrol ( and a V8 at that !! :o ) and that he was having to put a liter in every morning !!!

Now, this guy was a "expert" had Landrovers "before you were borne boy" type !!! So Van & trailer to go and recover the vehicle 60 miles away,

Got there and dip the oil, well overfull !!! ??? :angry: so got the "expert" to check, yep you guessed, idiot was dipping the auto box, :rolleyes: Loaded onto the trailer , and brought back, must have taken a extra 5 + liters out the engine !! He did not have the bottle to collect, sent his wife, to pick up, along with the bill !!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a customer a few years ago that bought a auto conversion kit for a 300 TDi defender, he put it in and phoned me up efffing and blinding that it only had 2 gears, only did 30 mph and I had ruined his landrover,

I got in my car and drove 3 hours to him and immeadiatly test drove the vehicle,

upon my return I said it seems to drive OK, you did know it was in low range didn't you ?

didn't even get a sorry or a thank you,

Dave

You've had one of those too!

I had a fairly similar thing a couple of years ago again on one of our hire ones (we run a small fleet of Land Rovers for hire here, mostly 300Tdi 110s) - I'd forgotten about it till I read yours. A beloved customer phoned up to demand a replacement vehicle "because the clutch must be slipping, the engine is really revving and it will only do 30mph flat out". Phoned the people who had delivered it to the airport and they reckoned it was OK, and I had driven it just before it went out and I knew it was OK then. Sigh. "OK, bring it in and we'll have a look at it".

He drove it 35 miles from the airport to swap it for a new one and was not impressed when I jumped in said "oh you've got it in low range" clunk click and off we went :)

At work we call it "a bad connection between the seat and the steering wheel" :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In health care its called a TW*T...........

Not quite on the same lines as your past experiences, however......

Before going into the NHS I was as welder in a garage. This guy turned up with an old mini, complete rotter with about 10 month MOT. He wants the door fixing because its "loose".

I go out front, open the driver door and it literally drops into my hands. The A post is rotted and the apex (little triangle panel between door & wing on a mini) panel has broken free from it. I point out it's "broken" and note the prices for fitting the repair panels "assuming" theres something left underneath to weld them all too...

Much shaking of head and lighting of Regals goes on .... then he chirps up..

"weld the door shut"

:blink: err.... You might have issues come MOT time with a rotten A post and a door welded shut....and it'll look carp.... :unsure:

"just weld it mate..."

So I did. ....drove it into the garage, ground the door edge and the rear quarter to steel, then deposited a big fat weld about a foot long in the gap. We even left the door seal in place.

Charged him for it and off he went......

then.......

couple of month later the local MOT station we used phoned us up p155ing himself. The guy had taken it for an MOT and mentioned us as stating "it would be ok for an MOT" !!!!!!!!!!!!

Fortunately he knew us well and did all our MOT's.

Bloody idiot.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I go out front, open the driver door and it literally drops into my hands.

Neighbour back home did pretty much the same years ago. He had a beaten up old 'hippy' mini, and was pulled by the plod for having distracting graffiti all over it (guess everyone else was nearly driving off the road trying to read it... :rolleyes: ). He opened the drivers door and if fell off at the policeman's feet...

Not surprisingly they suggested he might like to take it off the road. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We used to get some real experts at the kart track (the worst ones were the ones who'd been on a circuit day and thought they were mr Schumacher) if they got overtaken by anyone of course that meant their kart was slower or faulty :rolleyes: and they'd usually pull into the pits and shout at us (which is always gonna work :lol: )

Some of the best ones we had:

- "Front brake balance is way out!" (there are no front brakes)

- "It's not firing on all cylinders" (they're a single cylinder motor)

- "It squeals going round corners" (slicks on painted floor)

- "The tyres are bald" (see above)

- "The suspension is really hard" (there is no suspension)

Or, walking down the line of identical karts in the pit lane saying loudly to their child or partner "You take that one because it's slower" :rolleyes:

We also had one complete c**k in a team for an endurance race (team with most laps wins) they were doing alright until he took over, two laps and he pulled into the pits shouting and screaming that their kart was a total POS / slow / didn't handle etc. etc. <_< now as it happened we knew that one had just been rebuilt and was a good'un, so we dragged a f***ed one out of the workshop (bent chassis, old tyres, engine due for rebuild) fired it up and sent him merrily on his way (now several laps behind). The mechanic then took their old kart out and lapped him, then went through the entire fleet of spares and lapped him in each of them, then went through the kids' karts with his knees against his chin / elbows round his ears and lapped him in all of those :hysterical: they lost badly too :lol:

On BT we get some real fun because the company IT expert doesn't want to look like an idiot in front of the boss so blames our stuff - which is fine till we turn up and prove them wrong :D

We had one chap insisting that our kit was faulty because of a niggling problem on their phone system, despite our lenghty explanations to the contrary. We ended up with four engineers running about with very expensive test gear and the boss of the company hollering at us until we tracked down the problem to the exact part in their phone system, at which point matey changed it and it all worked. He was very sheepish at that point (especially given how much he was about to be billed for wasting a day of four engineers' time) but we made his day even worse by pointing out to the boss that, due to matey's incompetence with placing orders they could only use six phones at any one time rather than the 30 he thought he'd paid for - and his new call centre was due to open in a few days' time with 30 staff turning up to answer six phones :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was in the photo processing trade it was known as 'a clot behind the lens'.

A common problem was with the old 110 instamatic cameras. We lost count of the number of idiots who took a roll of film photographing thier ear! Solution - turn the camera round and look through the viewfinder the right way!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience. By using our website you agree to our Cookie Policy