Scampi, Waxoyled cats, & the Pulley

[101nut]

So nice of you to perform slapstick for your friends amusment

Fantastic and somewhat comedic ... says he wiping tears from his eyes

AndyG

[Guest dew110CSW]

Man I haven't laughed so hard in years, the waxoyle cat one is pure fantastic, We should make a 2 ronnies style sketch book of HBH's mistakes.

Keep up the good work, and keep posting mistakes for us to laugh at!

[simonr]

Thanks BBC - good to read it all again! It has reminded me that maybe this week has not been so bad after all! Poor Nigel.

Si

[twizzle]

Thanks BBC - good to read it all again! It has reminded me that maybe this week has not been so bad after all! Poor Nigel.

Si

TWIZZLE

[Classic nut]

PMSL - thank goodness i'm not the only one who can do things like that!

[Milemarker Type S]

Top man Nige... Just a shame I was trying to drink a cup of tea whilst reading it!

We all have 'Prat' moments but it would appears some are just more 'Pratty' than others!!!

I have done a similar toe nail type thing... only I thought it was a good idea to kick a very large lump of wood very hard to 'position' it whilst wearing steel toe caps... Net result was my nail being completely bent back over and ripped off... and me slightly 'fainting' on the floor...

[Ryan]

I missed this when it was posted in 2007. I saw it last night at work and all I can say is that it was a good job I was working on my own! PMSL so much I couldn't see for the tears - the poor cat...

[Hybrid_From_Hell]

On the suggestion of Geoff (Admin) Beaumont I have to admit to another "Moment" .....

Stupid

Completely stupid.

Stupid with a capital S

ME

I truly can't explain "Why" I did it,...... I just did

Making 'Pegged Diffs' means I have to shove a bare diff casing into an Oven (Bought from ebay table top size ) and "Cook"

for quite a while. These cases have been steam cleaned and then "Dishwashered" (another table top EBay Bargain ) and

then, and only then "Cooked". They are clean,..... I mean reallyyyy clean,... and as Sue was away an idea "Popped" into my mind

"Bread"

"Home made Bread" to be exact

The loooverelly Home made type, I mean - the casings are super clean(ish) so just enough space to pop a in tin

and bake some fresh 'HFH Styllee Bread', part of me said "Don't be a pratt" and part of me said "Go on ...Give it a Go"

So I have

Popped diff in to oven fully heated up, slide next to it the yeasty mess in a tin, and closed oven up

Went to work on 90, and 30 mins later the smell of the contents was making me dribble, 1 hr later the oven

went "Ping" and the diff was done ....and so was the bread

Seriously it smelt absolutely superb, I mean REALLY superb,... a mate who popped round even said "Mmmmmmmm Home made bread "

He was 'slightly put off' when I explained - but, none the less the plates and butter came out, and we sniffed it and examined it

and it all seemed jolly fine and lovelly.

So, buttered up we tried some

With just One swallow later I am not sure who got up from the BBQ Table 1st, both saying "FFS, ...Dear God,.. and Christ almighty"

the "You ******g Idiot Barker" was defo him . but as to the rest of the anglo saxon - just it was one of us.

Equally I am unsure which one of us wretched 1st, setting the other off, and then there was stereo

Technicolour Yawns over the patio edge where we were both now on our respective knees wretching in to the shrubbery.

During this joy, Sue phoned up - shoved it on loudspeaker (so as to keep both hands free) and she said, "Just leaving, anything to report ?"

Mate Yelled "Yes,.... he is a certified Idiot" [wretch]

Thats Nice I thought

Sue replied "Yes, I know - I said News"

Ho hum, yes daft... but I just wondered.........and now I know ...

EP90 Granary (with seasame seeds) is truly vile, even the birds won't eat it

And to think Les / MOG / TC made me a mod all those years ago to keep things normal here

Nige

PS NO, seriously I just "Wondered" Mate is still barely talking to me

Nige

The sensible Mod

[Aragorn]

ROFL i woke a rather annoyed missus i was laughing so hard reading this thread at midnight last night!

You need to carry a camcorder round with you and film these "mishaps", you'd make a fortune

Not sure what happened with the bread one? Did you forget to clean/dishwasher the diff casing? Or was there just so much oil ingrained into the oven/diff that the fumes infected the bread while it was cooking?

[Classic nut]

Hi All,

I feel the pain - but I read this many, many years ago, - read a master on the job (Sorry...)! Note - this is very, very long - but a cup of tea is not advised (Laptops don't like tea spat over them!)

Enjoy:

Agent Picolax!

[simonr]

EP90 Granary

Classic!

Si

[discomikey]

just found this thread.

after over 5 years on this forum, HOW did i not find nige's stories before?

[muddychris300tdi]

Thank you for bringing this thread alive again. My 2 year old daughter got very worried when I had tears running down my face and couldn't breath.

I think Nige needs to do one of MTV style tv show and have a camera crew follow him around. Would be a great watch.

[headhunter]

Sort of an alternative scrapyard challenge style!

He would look good with a bushy movember.

John

[muddychris300tdi]

I'm picturing a Karl Pilkington type of bloke, sorry Nige.

[mickeyw]

I thought Nige's escapades are more akin to Jackass than MTV

[L19MUD]

I'm not sure how this came up in conversation tonight with the wife but I thought with all the bad news going on at the moment we could all do with a laugh and re read this

 

Sorry Nige

 

😁

[lo-fi]

4 hours ago, L19MUD said:

I'm not sure how this came up in conversation tonight with the wife but I thought with all the bad news going on at the moment we could all do with a laugh and re read this

 

Sorry Nige

 

😁

Thanks for reviving, I'd not seen this thread before!! Comedy gold right there. 

I have a workshop related tale or two to add... An old mate of mine is almost as accident probe as dear Nige. 

It started with a Land Rover. A V8 Series 3 88. I owned it, then sold it to said mate who took it apart to do a little work. We had a small workshop back in the day when such things were available for cash prices, and he had it parked up on stands and was busy running old paint and wax off the chassis. Unknown to me, he was under there with a twisted wire wheel on a 5" grinder. No guard. You can guess what's coming... Grinder grabs, knocks itself out of his hands, lands square on his chest and tries to eats its way through his ribs. Luckily it twisted up his t-shirt and stalled, but he still bears the scars to this day. 

Then came the saga of the axles. Having owned that landy for a year, I'd had little trouble with it. I'd been tearing around the place and parked it up ready for my mate to pick up. He got in it, ragged it round the car park, went to reverse it and PANG went a rear half shaft. He found some complete axles going cheap, which got delivered as a job lot of two front and one rear on a home made stand. The delivery method was a bit hit and run, leaving the axles stranded in the middle of a grassy area outside the shop. Engines cranes don't like being loaded and rolling over grass much, so rather than doing the sensible thing and freeing them from the stand, hoisting them and popping a trolley under one at a time, he hatched a brilliant plan.... I still have no idea what possessed him to nail the engine crane to the rear of a large single axle trailer, leaving half the legs hanging off the end in an effort to gain enough reach to lift a few hundred kilos of axles, but that's what he did. Slowly but surely, up came one end of the stand, mate stood on the trailer pumping away at a grumbling engine crane. Then the fateful moment. He stopped, stomped forward to observe progress, realising his mistake all too late. The trailer no longer balanced, and the front began to rise... Quickly. In an effort to arrest this process, he flung himself backwards, just as the trailers attempted back-flip reached its maximum speed before the rear hit the floor, ejecting him clean over the crane and axles to land on a large pile of broken bricks left by the previous tenants. Luckily he narrowly avoiding being crushed by a flying engine crane, now free of its nails in the trailer floor and boosted by the rear of the trailer into a graceless arc over the axles it was still lashed to as the trailer front returned to the floor. 

I nearly passed out from laughing so hard at that one!