Ozzie - type joke

[Les Henson]

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hip! po racing in Australia?(USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which doesn't... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in KingsCross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled And make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a! kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Les.

[Ben Jordan]

That is quality. Why can't we live in a country where Government organisations are allowed to have a joke at stupid peoples expense.

[western]

superb

[sgnas]

That is quality. Why can't we live in a country where Government organisations are allowed to have a joke at stupid peoples expense.

We do.

Think how much tax you pay and what you get in return!

or how harshly normally law abbiding people are treated in the courts when career criminals get a slap on the wrists!

[BogMonster]

Hmmm

some of those seem familiarly (is that a word?) stupid

along with

"Since you are in the southern hemisphere, does the sun rise in the West?"

"Are there any telephones there?"

etc.

[RocKeR]

"Since you are in the southern hemisphere, does the sun rise in the West?"

Indeed Steve. Though I must admit that I was quite taken aback by the East-North-West thing the sun does on my first trip to Oz last year. It's obvious it does it, but after forty odd year (and I mean Odd!) of the sun heading south during the day up here in Blighty, it does take some getting used to.