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An extra HFH Moment for the new book :O(


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Its started with "could you Tig this up Nige Mate, mate, lovely mate, fine chap, grovel, pleeease

and Ivel even brought you a 6 pack of cold beers ....matey mate mate mate :D

The "Welding" was some horrendous jumble of tacked together exhaust bits for a old Yamaha Racer

in the form of a road legal to be project of a Yam TZ750 that he had made some expansion box mods to


So, laid it all on the Welding table, getting it to stay put was the trickiest bit, but with the

help of some suitable large heavy lumps of Metal, and a diff unit at the front I had it all square and held tight

so I "Hit it" with the TIG

Psssst BZZZZZZZZZ weldy weldy all is fine, ....but felt my Left arm becoming warm....Bzzzzz Bzzzzz

"er Nige"

"Nope hang on, I'm on a roll......"

"No, Nige please...."

"Shut up FFS I'm actaully doing Ok, the weld pool is great and......"

"Whomp" :blink:

The expansion tank jumped about 10 inches in the air, flames shot out of joints, and bits of tacked together bits "Untacked"

themselves, My fleece was on fire, smoke and flames were everywhere, and I jumped at the same time, wondering WTF had just happened

Its odd, but all this I remember, but in like a slow motion moment - and whilst this slow motion movement included me, my alight fleece,

bits of expansion tube (some tacked some not and some beautifully TIGed :P ) large lumps of propping up metal with big heavy bits

dropped here and there, crashing onto the table, the floor, but amazingly I thought.... not me.

I then noticed my Left Welding glove was very warm, actaully very F warm, looking down it seemed it was alight and with nice big flames

coming off it, "warming" the contents and fast - :blink: so I "Shook" it hard to either put out flames - (pretty but not really too much fun ) - or get glove off ....or both

What actually happened was the fleece had now melted and stuck itself firmly to the diff, which, when waggled was lifted

off the bench by my stuck arm / fleece combo, and then as I placed my left hand on the bench to get the flaming glove off it "Fell" :ph34r:

Fell, as in a 30 kg Diff, dropping onto my ickle delicate pinkey :huh:

I would have screamed at this point, except the bench was more alight than ever, in a way the injury was timely, as I breathed with the pain

just as mate ripped extingusher off the wall, and emptied a "Kin big One use" powder unit on me.

I know it was a "Big" size as it would not switch off till emptied.... so I tried to hold my breath - get away from him / it but he thought full contact for what seemed like an hour was best.

I can advise the membership that Powder from the extingusher is no replacement for "Air", and tastes vile, and make you puke gag and gasp

between breathing E666 in without air. Wretching whilst choking and puking whilst choking, whilst you little finger is pounding, and the burn glove was now "red" at the end is not a recomended land rover experience

Having now collaspsed on the floor gagging,I held my hand up in a "FFS STOP" motion, ...mate interpreted this as "Let rip with extinguhser, Big Boy - which I was eternally gratefull was not the next size up.

When it stopped I was doing my "Fish out of water" and "Lets see how much white powder / snot / dinner I can puke up whilst choking" game

Once I got my breath back I wondered what the little red gloved pinky was like

Removed glove, ran under cold tap <squealled> both peered at it including wifey, who I didn't know had decided this was a "Iodine Moment"

Cooo said mate, nasty .." "let me have a look dear.... ?" and as quick as as I said "Carefull Love" my pinky was in an eggcup of iodine


"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeagh Noo Noo Noo" (and other selected non endearing comments to wifey )

Mind you, although twice the size it should be, nail is loose at the back and black, area is an angry red, and it bleeds on slightest

touch, had to peel bed sheet off it this morning where it had "Stuck" :) have now popped the burn whilst watching TV and Sue was

"Unimpressed" on the puss dripping on the leather sofa (I said it would wipe off, she didn'ty seem to understand my Practical Comments)

Its now on its way down was even more swollen last night, but kin stroll on ..those outer small pinkies don't half have a "Sheer F agony" potential in them

Pic of pinky :

post-22-061573500 1286813067_thumb.jpg

Now all I need to do is remove the dent from the Expansion tube before welding up at a later date, and also without the Brake cleaner

/ thinners combo heavily soaked rags stuffed in it..... left after cleaning it out :angry:

Will have to use me right hand to pick my nose for a while, strange feeling that, feels like some else doing it to me :lol:


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Watch this space my friend - MOT is very due and the white pig I run needs lots of work!!!!!!!! Got the local A&E om standby. Wife and kids have got a new set of earplugs, bought a metal detector to recover the tools that are gonna end up on journey into the shrubbery and hopefully a big (read expensive)box of bits should arrive by courier tomorrow. You wanna know something, I have this terrible feeling that I'm beginning to get addicted to the pain this bloody vehicle inflicts on me..........

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.... so using a really heavy round thing to prop up a round thing may not have been the best idea ? :P

its not just what you do Nige , its the way you put it over that just makes these moments sooo side-splitting, and now we have JeffR's MOT to come too...

I did have a little moment a couple of years back using 2 part spray leak/crack finder on the outer part - bund - of a 400 gallon diesel tank....

Having cleaned it ,visually checked for cracks and welded the obvious ones I then read the instructions , applied it , then the activator and waited for an hour.

Woohoo only 2 small cracks that I had missed, so chalked them , flipped the mask down while pulling on the gloves and lent in and pulled the trigger.... :blink::blink:

suddenly I'm enveloped in a really hot wind ,so standing up with visor carefully down still :ph34r: I'm just in time to see the mushroom fireball hit the roof of the workshop and then suck back down to the tank with a whoooommpff

I was undamaged but somewhat shaken and for once didn't trip over anything and apart from a slight crispyness to my sleeves no other damage.

The fireball looked rather a fetching rainbow of blues and greens with some yellow and bizarrely stayed in rectangular form all the way to the roof and back into the tank... :rofl:

..sympathies with the finger dude , have done a couple myself and its truly an injury that just keeps giving cold really does bring it all back



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bloody glad you don't work with me :hysterical: another brill Nige workshop tale, hope the finger heals quickly.

the Brake cleaner/thinners combo heavily soaked rags stuffed in it..... left after cleaning it out

didn't bother checking all was clear then :rolleyes:

and emptied a "Kin big One use" powder unit on me.

you best stay close to the smallest room, dry powder inhaled is not pleasant.

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Oh deep joy :)

Can't wait - so to speak :lol:

Well I guess you have found out by now, tho if you have I would rather not know the details.........

Is this from "Personal Experience" Geoff ? ... Pray tell :D

In a former life I used to do a lot of motor racing marshaling, put out quite a few fires, part of the training, don't ingest powder, ever.

Mate of mine put out a engine fire in a 6R4 missed the hole he was aiming for in the perspex rear screen got a face full, took a few days before he could leave the house again.....

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Oh dear Nige... To make you feel better I had a small 'note to self' moment last weekend.

Note to self, do not fill the bin, which coincidentally sits next to my favourate bench, with rags soaked in thinners just before welding at said favourate bench. The explosion makes you jump a little....

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Well the first bit of MOT work damage has already occurred.

Lets do the easy bits first thinks I

So I set about the steering column UJ's - idiot proof job ain't it.


Some person of doubtful parentage had decided to torque uo the top clamp bolt to silly numbers (who says that a 13mm nut/bolt can't take more than 150ft lbs of torque).

So out with my favourite new toy - a hydraulic nut splitter (when I say new, it was bought at an autojumble some years ago.... and festered in a box in the garage)

Couldn't reach properly to hold it in place whilst tightening the nut on the end so went and got a nice green, slippy recycling box to stand on.

Tightens nut and POP gets a face full of very old hydraulic fluid at roughly the speed of light, steps back rapidly and fell off the fu£$ing box...

Put me back out.

Totally goosed. Cos of some rock ape I am now more or less immobile, in pain, got a landrover with no MOT, still got to do change two discs and rebuild a swivel hub

and I can't even walk to the pub

This damn vehicle will be the death of me, of that I am convinced

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and I can't even walk to the pub

This damn vehicle will be the death of me, of that I am convinced

That means youve got time to write up some more tales! This book is going to be a best seller, just make sure youre still alive for the signings at Waterstones! :hysterical::rofl:

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Really having a sh*t day. Changed offside disc, no probs. Other than only being able to work whilst sitting down - spine really knackered. So sets about nearside:


Trolley jack packed up comprehensively, bottle jack in the huff, rattle gun lunched it's gearbox and I sheered a fu**in brake caliper bolt. Swivel ball appears to be totally goosed and the bolts holding it to the axle are impossible to remove.....

This bloody vehicle is rapidly heading down to the bottom field with a gallon of petrol and a box of matches

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