Hybrid_From_Hell Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 But not quite Agreed to help mate tidy up his workshop / spares ****hole / valuable parts rearrnge. It wa cold, ferkin cold so I had thermals, fleeces hat, 2 x socks and my trusty steel capped boots to help with those "Moments" where not having them = agony. I was in full flow for some hours, gearboxes were "Thumped" down with cold fingers, we laughed, things fell off shelves, off tops of cupboards, over, and around us, I smiled - I had me steel cap boot on innit Before I can actually say I felt smug, I do have one minor omission, not worthy of here normally as not Land Rover related, as I have managed to break a Toe in me foot, this was accomplished with great ease as I sleep like I am dead, when I wake I am "The missing Grunting Link" for at least 30 mins, SWMBO is like the bird in the F dawn chorus, one eye open = "Its a lovely day, and today I am going to do,..... and what are you going to do, .....are you going to make the coffee....have we brad for toast ?..., whats the square root of 72 divided by 12 and is that 20p on the floor and .............." This makes for a dangerous time for me, so whilst she was in "Happy Chirpy morning Nige Mode" and I was in "Grunt Fart Yrgh Cough" mode I walked into the Wellington chest that I forgot we had bought and as such it should have been there - crunch "F" "ARGH" ...broken toes Oh how I laughed ........ Anyway this meant I am a tad "Mr Hobble of Haslemere" at the Moment And back at the **** Hole things were going well, we had found the floor of shed No 1, and there a selection of years of shrapnel (as there always is on floors) of all sorts, and there was a TF727 which was coming my way to add to the 8 x collection I have already (don't ask), they iz heavy They is EVERSO F Heavy, sort of walk like a duck that has messed its pants and waddle with feet stamping as you go type walk trying to keep weigh of back foot Grunt grunt, fart heave and we were off, well hobbling, trying to keep all of my and the Torqueflights weigh on me good foot, and thats sort of when it happened. From nowhere I felt a searing stabbing pain, no not heart - foot, and the good one, a real "Eeeeearghhhhh WTF" type stabbing pain. This was closely followed by me dropping box and lurching across the shed, grasping for a shelf on the way down, which was not well screwed in I have to say, so that and it came crashing down around me, I thought I was going to pass out.......... "WTF" ?? "Dunno, my foot is agony - and thats the good one" A close peer showed the small problem, from the foot stampy walk I had managed to gain a 5 - 6" nail, through the base of the workboot into the bottom of the arch on my foot.... "Hmmm not great" Blood was minimal, pain was not, "Pliers" I said One set of manky pliers later and I wriggled around to get purchase on it, my eyes watered in equal terms to me squealling and trying not to pass out, it didn't budge, but me scrotum sack seemed to have vacuum packed its contents due to shock and fear "Hmmmm" "You have a go" "No Nige - F O - Get to hospital", "OK" So, up I got, I can assure you that it is near impossible to get a walk in with the remains of a nail some inches sticking out of the base of your foot, 2 light clouts on the end, saw the colour drain further from my face, and the pain jump like I had been in a punch up with Tyson. "Angle grinder!" And so it was, that my mate took me "Horsey Stylee" outside his shed, I clutched the shed whilst he took my boot like a Hoof and cut the lump sticky out bit off. A slitting disk may be quick, but the vibration up said nail into boot made me puke, bleeding had now kicked in, sock was a sort of warm n wet feeling, but not a good one "Shock" he said "Bolloz " I said "its just pain" Now, I have a new car, its my car, not a company car, and frankly I was going home after "Whatever A&E Fun I had ahead" so looked at it and decided that I'd prob leak over the floor, so he got me a Tescos bag, walking up the path blood was evident, Tescos have bags with holes in, so a Black Bin liner was added with some gaffer tape, I got into car, and he thought it funny that in "Recent Destinations" in my sat nav I have "Hospital A&E" showing Ha F ha So, to Hospital, I parked, paid n displayed and walked across car park with 1 x foot broken toe and 1 x foot in black bin liner like a drunk duck with squirts and no smile, through the doors at A&E and up to the nice lady on the desk "Hi" she said "I'll take a guess its your foot ?" "Yes, the bin liner give it away or the funny walk ?" I said trying to smile "Neither" she said, and pointed.... Ah yes, the bin liner wasn't the strongest, and I had done a bit of hobbling and worn holes in it, more to say it was tattters, more to say was the tescos bag had collected blood where it didn't leak, then leaked and the bin liner tearing......it was a long Red "Stripe" from the entrance to the desk "Ooops Sorry" "Take a seat and I'll get you checked out" "K nice lady person... sorry about the mess " I hobbled / slid bled away to the seat by the reading material (could be a long wait) and got close when I heard "No over there nearest the door" so I turned 90 left and like a slug with a heavy bleed grunted my way to the said char and sat There was now a stripe of blood and bits of black bag from the entry sliding doors, to the desk, from the desk towards the far chairs, then a swerve and a new stripe that that then ended with little me and a nice little pool starting to surround me Another lady ariived with bucket and mop and started cleaning at the door looking at me, I smiled - my smile didn't work, ....then the triage nursey arrived looked at the blood at the door mit the cleaner, then followed le trail with here eyes, and then up at me "Mr Barker" ? "Erm Yup" "This way - Try to place your weight on your good foot" ..... "Erm .....I haven't as such.... I broke a toe in the other one walking into a chest that shouldn't have been there" Looking back on the above it doesn't matter how you say it the words "I have a pilloc here" were probably bouncing through her head...prob right The cleaner didn't look happy either as the 'blood skid mark making machine' duly burst back into life - hooblyingly duck waddley walkies off with nursey with new stripe ....which then was surrounded by curtains. "Nail" I said pointing, "and its well in" "Yes, isn't" it just .....after inspection and me squeaking Long story cut short, boot cut off, BUGGER THEY WERE NEW X Ray and then some oooing an arhing later = nice lady with Hospital Clamps saying one two threeeeeeee ...and me trying not to pass out and the nail was out...and so Am I "Have you had a Tetnous jab recently ?" "Er yeah" (and explained and got "That Look" "well, can't be too sure" - so had another, so now have a heavy stiff arm, to go with the broken toed foot and the foot I can barely place weigh on" deep f joy ... "Right then - where is who brought you here ? ....maybe you can go in the back get your foot up and keep the pressure off it " Ah erm .................. Small conflab later and I was out, drove home with one boot and broken toe and 1 foot pounding with no boot, lucky its auto, and at least SMBO knows what I wnat for Christmas Hey ho - any one want a LH Boot good condition size 8 Nige Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveturnbull Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Nige, hilarious, in a slightly twisted kind of way. You should write a book. I'd buy it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffR Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Welcome to my world Nige, welcome to my world........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmgemini Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Sorry for you but the tears are rolling down my face...... PLEASE please please write the book...... Hope you're soon walkinig again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FridgeFreezer Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Never mind steel toe caps, you need a bl**dy suit of armour! Can we get a webcam set up, you'd make a fortune on You've Been Framed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedLineMike Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Never mind steel toe caps, you need a bl**dy suit of armour! Can we get a webcam set up, you'd make a fortune on You've Been Framed. if he had a suit of armour, nige would no doubt earth himself whilst welding & stick it all together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zardos Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Looking at suits of armour on ebay e.g. http://www.ebay.co.u...=item460af97c9a They don't seem to cover the soles of your feet What Nige needs is Plus also good for when he tests his MegaSquirt waterproofing properties (by driving his Landy in to a Lake) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hybrid_From_Hell Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 And this Friday is SWMBO "Firms Dinner Dance" Hmmmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bowie69 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 You know steel toe cap boots are available with a steel plate in the bottom to stop exactly that happening..... Funny as ever, Nige Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exmoor Beast Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Brilliant Nige, top effort sir. I'll not waste your time telling the tale of how I stood on a drawing pin yesterday After years of nasty nail incidents on sites I tend to wear steel soled boots now, definitely the way forward for you I think. Will Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickeyw Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Thought it had been quiet in A'n'E lately. Nige, you crack me up. Oh and you can write the book while you're laid up over Christmas, pleeease. Rest of the office is now wondering what on earth I've been sniggering at for the last few minutes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
need4speed Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Nige i feel your pain. When i was a kid i jumped off a sand dune at the local beach. It was about a 10 foot drop onto the sand below......and a bit of wood buried shallow in the sand! 4 inch rusty number right through foot. Your tale brings back v painful memories! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landroversforever Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Oh Nige, you've made the tears of laughter run down my face again . Its the way you tell them! Time to invest in some steel soled and toed boots! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happyoldgit Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 I've gone right off dinner.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honitonhobbit Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 If you will buy cheap , non compliant boots... What size feet have you got old spoon - I have a few new pairs kicking around Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davie Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 ever considered a career change into health and safety.................must be able to cover dozens of why you should do things safetly with photos/medical file/ tales of diy surgery. would need a disclaimer of sorts at start for squeamish people or provide barf buckets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
western Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 ever considered a career change into health and safety. HSE wouldn't want him, crikey Nige, you don't do little scraps, maybe 2013 will be safer for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve b Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 ....you've nailed it Nige ....oh maybe that was tacky oops done it again any piercing comments from said mate ? oh no I've done it again .....my tale for today was a 9" grinder cutting disc jamming , exploding and coming to rest half way up my err 6pack/party7 ...luckily only a rather red stripe at a jaunty angle across my tum , and yes I'm normally careful and risk averse . I was all gloved/goggles/eardefenders/steel workbooted up It seems my thermals are tougher than I'd imagined Glad you are sorted tho Nige , I bet the extraction was worse than going in cheers Steveb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CwazyWabbit Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 ......maybe 2013 will be safer for you. Only if his feet don't heal enough for him to walk on them ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hybrid_From_Hell Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 If you will buy cheap , non compliant boots... What size feet have you got old spoon - I have a few new pairs kicking around I'm a Size 8 Mr Hobbit Sir ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hybrid_From_Hell Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 Nigehbour Matey said I was walking today like "Robbie from Lost in space" (B&W Version) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duncmc Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 My family, and the people I work with just wouldn't believe that there is someone more accident prone than me..... but you are definitely the KING of accidents HFH!! Sounds like you need steel toe cap boots with Kevlar stab proof soles if there is such a thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davie Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 top to toe kevlar suit, direct line to paramedic advisors in ambulance control and local first responders would be a bare miniumum on speed dial list for 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boris113 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 Sounds like you need steel toe cap boots with Kevlar stab proof soles if there is such a thing? Funnily enough my dad sells them! ...the only problem being that you have to me a riot policeman to get a pair. He often has samples knocking around if you would like a pair Nige? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smego Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Omg how funny :-D GWS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.