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Open Letter To Leslie Henson

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Leslie baby

I'm bored down here.

James Taylor's cutting a new album with Carly Bassey and the boy Hoddle's playing with his lego.

So I've started posting on your little Forum.

Hope you don't mind.

No bad feelings and all that.

We're still friends aren't we?

You're certainly my friend, Les....

My blood brother.....

And you remember what brothers of the blood commit to?

You haven't forgotten, Les, have you?

La Cosa Nostra.

You and me.

I need a favour.

And I need it fast, or your conrods will be swimming with the fishes.

Look - I'll cut to the chase...you know I'm a man of few words....

I don't like the world seeing me described as 'Newbie'.

It's not appropriate for a man of my standing in the Land Rover community.

It's humiliating - don't they know I've been around the block?

I mean, me and websites - we're old mates too.

I deserve respect.

Look mate, you can fix it....get me a half-decent monicker.

I can see myself as 'The Leader' or 'The Visionary' or 'Der Web Fuhrer'.

Nothing too flash - anything classy and modest will do.

Sort it Les, or I'll come over for a chat.

And I won't be alone.

I'll be bringing over a few of my own Moderators...capiche?

Cacare, donnicciola!!


Mess with me and you'll be waking up with a Series 1 head on your frilly pillow case.

You've been warned, cacasotto!

Don't mess with The Godfather!!

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You no forget what you gotta do for your brother.


Mille grazi.

I like a man who acts like a man, not like a dog in the gutter.

So I will overlook - just this once - that you no look up to your betters.

Never mind the Mazottas - Mazottas, schmottas!

I tell your Mama, Les, if you step outa line.

You wanna hurt Mama?


What's the world coming to, Les?

It wasn't like this in Sicily, was it?

Just me and the boys around the house, sweating in their tight little vests.

Planning how we take over the world with a new Forum.

A place for advertisers to get fat like chickens!

Where did it go wrong?

Hey, I gotta go.

The boy Hoddle needs a feed.

I'll be back, after I spend time with my stracciamanici.

Ciao Les.


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This is over my head, can anyone enlighten me please?

Mr Toger

I have to apologise for speaking in Italian to Mr Green.

We are both Dons, and things are different over here in England since we came over to control the publishing world.

He was getting out of line and causing offence.

I assume you are a man of the world?

What have I ever done to make him treat me so disrespectfully?

If by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would become my enemies too.

And then they would fear you.

He now knows that he will wake up with a Series One head on his pillow if he steps out of line again.

I hope I have not caused any offence to you, Mr Toger.

If I can do you a favour in the future, let me know.

Don Vito Scrapironi


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Mr green/scrapiron

your posts are very amusing but the board is new and would hate to get into disputes with others so early on, I for one do not have the time

to deal with any probs arising from these posts.

so please have a think and your very welcome


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