OT: I love commuting

[Turbocharger]

It seems there’s a formal code for walking in the street in Hong Kong. There are two speeds: “amble with obligatory zig-zag path” and “Get out of my way I’m late”. Both are the same speed but the second uses quicker, smaller steps and you tend to travel in straighter lines. Most importantly though, get in other people’s way. It doesn’t matter how you do this but techniques often include not looking where you’re going, not looking like you’re going where you’re going, walking diagonally, looking backwards, slowing down in narrow gaps (or ideally stopping; past-masters will change direction) and walking straight across the front of other people. Examples include leaving a shop and not even contemplating the chance that there may be someone walking on the pavement already, crossing at a pedestrian crossing and showing surprise when you meet people coming the other way, and wondering why all these people are leaving the train/bus/shopping mall as the doors open and you force your way in. If you’re having trouble making a nuisance of yourself, try reading a broadsheet newspaper as you walk or just struggle with a heavy bag on an escalator, then stop dead at the top. Make sure you and the bag completely block the gangway for the two rows of people who are being motored towards you at a fast trot. After all, Hong Kong has the fourth highest population density in the world so it’s hardly likely you’ll annoy anyone, right?

Last week I was walking quite quickly to work (late) and catching up someone moving at “fast amble”. Just when he was an arm’s length away he turned on the front foot and came back towards me. Already irritated by the customary idlers who trip me up on the walk to work, I had a fascinating momentary pause where I considered trying to avoid him. I’m ashamed to say I decided that ploughing into him would somehow educate the whole of Hong Kong and he hit my shoulderblade heavily with his forehead before rebounding as if sprung, then crumpling to the floor. For theatrical effect, his briefcase opened too. Did I feel guilty as I picked him back up? Perhaps a little, but I still think it was his fault for turning around without even thinking there might be someone there.

Today has torrential rain, so there are some necessary additions to the code to allow for poor weather. The weapon of choice is an umbrella – hit other umbrellas with it. Since I’m taller than everyone else, I’m at spoke height and have the scars to prove it. If you’re not carrying an umbrella and it’s tipping down don’t worry, most of the buildings have overhangs along the street so you could travel in the dry… if the overhangs weren’t full of people with umbrellas, forcing you to take to the gutter with the threat of eye-loss. Once you’re in the downpour, the umbrellas form a Roman Tortoise formation and it’s impossible to break the phalanx until the next road crossing. By this point there’s no point seeking shelter because the torrent in the gutter is about as wet as you are, so you run to the train station, arriving at speed to dart around the coffin-dodger who’s fighting a battle with an invisible assailant wielding her own umbrella in the doorway, slip and measure your length on the wet polished tiles.

To cap it all, I then queue between the two cash machines in the station to get some money out, but as the left-hand user takes his money I realise there are people waiting on both sides of me, and I’m suddenly queuing for the imaginary middle ATM. Of course, nobody lets me in front and I have to join one of the new lines and wait my turn.

I love commuting.

[muddyplugger]

I can picture it now!

Wearing a full face crash helmet might work when raining, and certainly you may find the que shortens fast as you lurk behind people at the ATM wearing one!

Cheered me up did that post!

[edwardatherton]

That's a fantastic story!! Sounds just like many cities actually, and as for umbrellas, I hate them for exactly the same reason!

Good tip - if you wear a baseball cap and someone comes towards you with an umbrella, you can often sort of flick it with the peak of the cap. If you time this right, their umbrella will tip water on someone or tangle their umbrella with the one passing on the other side. By the time they have apologised and sorted it out you are well out of the way...

Did you know what OAP stands for? Old Annoying Person. They have to take a test when they get old and get points for getting in other people's way in various different ways. Well, at least I think thats why they do it, can't think of any other reason right now.

[MarkieB]

My favourite it the immelmann-pedestrian manoeuvre:

The assailant, initially on the kerb to the left of the defender, moves into the road so as to give himself a head start, as though there wasn't a car hurtling towards the junction from the right {driving on the left}. As the car just misses the assailant in front, the defender starts to cross the road, straight. The assailant now makes his first foray, moving to the right to avoid the back of the car, forcing the defender to slow down. Then the assailant weaves to the left. As the defender prepares to overtake, the pièce de resistance, the assailant weaves back to the right, now, nearly across the road, blocking hopefully the only gap between parked cars on the far side [that the defender, with his foresight, had stationed himself opposite before starting to cross]. He then slows down as much as possible, so as just to make it between the parked cars as a different approaching speeding car would have hit him. The hapless defender, meanwhile, is stuck behind the assailant, vulnerable to the whim of the new approaching vehicle.

This probably wouldn't work in Hong Kong, although it works a charm in Nairobi given the different body mass index of a typical citizen. In Hong Kong, I'd just walk fast into them [not minding whether they kept their balance] with a 'so sorry'

Best with a team of 3 or more assailants, makes it really fun! No need for a limited gap between parked cars, a pincer movement should prevent the defender from crossing the road at all

[Hillbilly Raider]

When the kids were little it never ceased to amaze me that i had to try to get the pram/pushchair around able bodied people who thought that it was me who should move and not them?

and dont get me started on doorways with said pram/pushchair!

Now i walk with a stick its just the same.... i am still the one who should get out of the way?!

[GBMUD]

When the kids were little it never ceased to amaze me that i had to try to get the pram/pushchair around able bodied people who thought that it was me who should move and not them?

and dont get me started on doorways with said pram/pushchair!

Now i walk with a stick its just the same.... i am still the one who should get out of the way?!

Perhaps it is you?

Chris

[Turbocharger]

dont get me started on doorways with said pram/pushchair!

Now i walk with a stick its just the same

Are you in Hong Kong?

[pugwash]

what you up to out their john?

i used to live on mid-levels for about 18 months, just down from the peak. always took the escalator (and always hopped off halfway down for a coffee) and ferries just about everywhere.

crossings are always fun- being "gwai-loh" and 24 stone does have it's advantages though. i always found the ladies to be the worst- you could scare some fo the men out of the way, but the women just didn't give a carp!

Where you lliving? have you been to see how they're turning the buddha into a god awful tourist attraction? i went their about 12 years ago when very people actually visited it, and it was lovely- went back 4 months ago and it was much different.

[GBMUD]

they're turning the buddha into a god awful tourist attraction?

Was that pun intentional?

Chris

[BogMonster]

Commuting here is much safer - regular high winds make it an umbrella-free zone most of the year

Though I don't need an umbrella anyway, I just get into the rover, and 2 minutes later get out again. I can park as close as 2 feet from the door to work, depending on which way round I park

[western]

My favourite it the immelmann-pedestrian manoeuvre:

The assailant, initially on the kerb to the left of the defender, moves into the road so as to give himself a head start, as though there wasn't a car hurtling towards the junction from the right {driving on the left}. As the car just misses the assailant in front, the defender starts to cross the road, straight. The assailant now makes his first foray, moving to the right to avoid the back of the car, forcing the defender to slow down. Then the assailant weaves to the left. As the defender prepares to overtake, the pièce de resistance, the assailant weaves back to the right, now, nearly across the road, blocking hopefully the only gap between parked cars on the far side [that the defender, with his foresight, had stationed himself opposite before starting to cross]. He then slows down as much as possible, so as just to make it between the parked cars as a different approaching speeding car would have hit him. The hapless defender, meanwhile, is stuck behind the assailant, vulnerable to the whim of the new approaching vehicle.

This probably wouldn't work in Hong Kong, although it works a charm in Nairobi given the different body mass index of a typical citizen. In Hong Kong, I'd just walk fast into them [not minding whether they kept their balance] with a 'so sorry'

Best with a team of 3 or more assailants, makes it really fun! No need for a limited gap between parked cars, a pincer movement should prevent the defender from crossing the road at all

Ah I found the Hidden LR content

[Troddenmasses]

Walking through Cheltenham a few weeks ago, me and the missus had just had a barney, so she was storming off ahead with me following about 5 paces behind. There were a gaggle of slappers/chavs walking down the precinct swearing at everybody who looked at them. One of them (about 16 ish) tried to intimidate my wife by walking at her. He collided with my wife, and glanced off sideways (she's nice and sturdy). As he kept walking, he turned around and started shouting obcenities at her just as I approached. My hands were in my jacket pockets at just below chest height, and I 'accidentally' lifted my elbow at just the 'wrong' time, and caught him squarely in the nose. I thought that it might just knock him sideways a bit, but as I turned around to mockingly appologise, I saw that he was holding his nose and crying. Oops. I suggested that he might want to look where he was going in future, but he didn't seem to be listening - can't think why. After that my wife seemed much more relaxed and happy Everybodies a winner.....

[Turbocharger]

Pugwash - I'm working for one of the bus companies, just coming to the end of my month here. I've been keeping an online diary (the above is an extract):

http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/JohnBickerton/

I've got a flat about 5 mins from Tin Hau MTR station, ideal for work at the east end of the Island. The Buddha itself is reasonably impressive and not too tacky if you ignore the 'Donate now' boxes everywhere. The rest of the monastery is very consumerised though. I found a quiet spot for some writing though, very peaceful until the Am'ricans arrived.

Trodden - I wouldn't argue with your missus when she's in a bad mood. In fact, even in a good mood I usually agree but she's often offering food...

[GBMUD]

You mean: http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/JohnBickerton/

Chris

[Hillbilly Raider]

Perhaps it is you?

Chris

Have YOU ever tried it?

Anyway am off, have a good weekend.

Mandy.

[GBMUD]

Have YOU ever tried it?

Anyway am off, have a good weekend.

Mandy.

It? Pushing a pram/pushchair, yes. Using a walking stick, no.

Have a good weekend.

Chris