Neil Marshall

The wife's Australian - hee, hee, hee

Try www.imageshack.us - been around quite a while and easy to use. And Niall, do you want to borrow a razor? Neil

LDV pickups must have longer arms - some have wide beds

Time you went to Boots for more sticking plaster....... Neil

It's cathartic.

I think that you'll find that most current cars use a seperate element for the aerial - my last Volvo V70 had one on the rear-most passenger side window in the boot area....probably tells you something about mixing it with heater electrics [The new Discovery uses the same approach, surprise, surprise]. Don't recall the first generation items [1970s] being very clever at all, certainly not up to hifi FM. On a Saab 9000 I had the antenna was part of the electric heating element, but to prevent the antenna signal being emitted when power is supplied to the electric heating element, a filter was fitted in the antenna amplifier to block the antenna signal. On the ground side of the heating element was an antenna filter which blocked the antenna signal from ground. Reception in the Saab was not that good in many areas on weaker stations. The HRW has to act as a tuned dipole to produce a decent signal....can't see that LR would have taken this into account at all. Had you thought of using one of those helical coil short springy Bosch antennas, set back at angle, that Golfs and Astras have as standard? They come with a built in amp, IIRC, and there should be plenty at the scrappers. Should withstand a reasonable clout if left on - antenna part designed to be unscrewed for car washes. However, if that's what you want to do, here's how to get the part from a scrapped Sierra......clicky aerial instructions. Neil

This is a complex subject, isn't it! Strangely, people will spend £500-1,000 on a winch, £ 300 on a pair of yellow tops, £150 on a plasma line, £50 on fairleads, then hooks, cables etc on top......but get concerned about the cost of a good battery management system. Are we getting our priorities right? Let me also pose a slightly different question....who makes the perfect split charge system and why is it the best? And can it be replicated more cheaply than buying? And - if yes - is anyone prepared to make em up? Neil

Absolutely locked! The swivel option is only for rough off-road travel - you really need to drive with care in this mode too. Neil

If you could make one, then you could be charged with 'passing off' only if you tried to sell one suggesting it was made by the original manufacturer. A charge of breach of intellectual copyright would similarly not stick if you made no attempt to sell, or to distribute [eg to friends] in significant numbers. Usual test would be whether you were doing it for personal gain, or to damage market prospects for the original manufacturer. So, making one for your own use would be basically OK, particularly if you introduced a novel element of shape or other feature - change an angle or two, if it really bothered you. Frankly, who would see it? And think of the plethora of steering guards on sale - how different are they in practice....remember that the basic design parameters were set by Land Rover, and they've shown no inclination to stop aftermarket suppliers. Go for it. Neil

Email me and will forward full price list - for example a 70 amp VSR is £54, a 140 amp £98 Neil neil.marshall@btinternet.com

Meant to say, if your granny dies and leaves you a wad, have a look at the VSR switch clusters which combine a 100 amp VSR with a high quality BEP battery switch. Would make your cab look like a Powergen control centre!

Voltage Sensitive Relays are definitely the bomb proof option and are not that expensive [and transferable, so you can get a long life from your investment]. They are compact and have few drawbacks. Rather like older split charge relays (which close when the ignition is switched on), VSR's are activated by their own internal Battery Monitoring System. Best option is to purchase a marine grade VSR as they are rated for permanent exposure to moisture. Merlin Equipment supply good value and well made kit. VSR's stay open (off) when the engine is charging. Once the engine battery has reached 13.7V from the alternator charge, the relay will close allowing both engine and domestic battery banks to be charged. When the engine is stopped, the voltage returns to normal levels allowing the relay to open again - separating the engine and domestic batteries. Unlike diodes, VSR's have ZERO voltage drop (so require no battery sensing on alternator or charging device) and won't allow overcharging. Merlin's larger 200 amp model is fitted with an Emergency Parallel feature. By pressing a button on the instrument panel, the VSR will hold both the engine and domestic battery bank in parallel for ten minutes. This will allow starting of the engine from the domestic battery bank. Once this time has passed, and the voltage is up high enough (13.8V), the unit will stay engaged until voltage falls back to normal levels. VSR's are mono-directional - i. e. they sense off one battery only (usually the engine battery and allowing charge to the domestics). Therefore, if you have other charging sources (e.g. solar panels) which are required to charge the engine battery, a 2nd VSR is required (sensing off the domestics and allowing charge to the engine battery). Size the VSR for the largest charging source on board - e.g. a 100A alternator, use a 130A VSR. Neil

Paypal (so long as it's bin set up) will accept a card without registering or anything. Si Unfortunately you do have to register with Paypal to be able to use the system. Very useful system - suggest you register anyhow. Register with Paypal here

You seem tense, strained. Was it the pole? Looked on the big side. Neil

I like that - The Green Pages - got a certain ring about it. What we need is a figure-head. Someone called Green....must be one around somewhere who understrands publishing.

This is a wind-up right? Les. I think it might be a cock up

I agree - ask any Aussie off-roader and they'd probably say Engels too. Can you get em cheaper in Italy, Holland or Germany? Neil Amendment: Sorry - just realised previous post from an Australian. He should know. The wife's from Brizzie so we've been over there a lot.

I emailed Stuart to say that the questionnaire wasn't very well designed - a good indicator for me that the thing is being driven by a university student....Greenpeace would be seriously more careful about the wording. I think its an innocent affair but Stuart might help by explaining further why he's undertaking the exercise and what he's going to do with the results. I'm slightly paranoid to after watching a Peak District Warden conducting a survey of walkers on attitudes toward 4WD use - he rejected any views that supported green laning...disgraceful stance, unfortunately working for the wrong side!! Neil

Could you plug in an iron? Would save having to carry an oven on expeditions. Clicky for steam ironing your food

Top man. Widely respected and he seems to care about the kit. Quite a coup, I'd say. Neil

Mr Green There is a rumour going round these parts that you are an unpleasant, ill-mannered and down-right awkward little scum bag with a sharp nose for cut-price HR management skills. I for one don't believe it, nor the rumours about cross-dressing parties at Hilly Ledge, Norfolk. Nor the rumours about that pram. You de man!! You de Boss. Take that High Five, yo!! If you are looking for a ruddy big group of nancy boy bottom lickers then you have come to the right place.....Addict Members seem to be a pretty exercisey bunch who can't stand the thought of a fight. So a complete takeover looks a distinct possibility. Let me know if you want any help. I know they'll be happy to have you moderate all of the the forums.... or maybe bring in one of your friends from Scrapiron, or the MD of Dodgy Off Road Tyres, or even the boy Hoddle - it's really up to you. Look mate - I can call you mate, Mr Green? - if you want to launch another website, or just make a blinding success of this one, I'm sure they'll all be happy to stand right behind you [well there's definitely been talk of blokes coming up hard behind you, but I might have mis-heard that one]. I've only got one question, if I may, Mr Green, mate - how do you get that dork look in all those photos? That's got to be trick photography....hiding that steely, muscle-toned athletic exterior. Bloody good editorial judgement mate! And those dark glasses.....so cool, so retro 1950s! In fact, come to think of it, all your colleagues look the same - great selection mate, the punters will flock in. Best wishes Neil [Will await email....and, yes, I will wash your Mondeo].

Great start!! Donation sent - like the Paypal idea. Neil

It does

Couldn't think of a better man. Found this rare picture of Ralph at work in 'customer care' mode....so he should be perfect for this place.

RUMOURS THAT the local athletics stadium was haunted by a phantom runner who hated Germans and who raced round the track at midnight and into the early hours had been been buzzing round the big manufacturing town of Greystone for several years. The stories were not taken seriously until the stadium night watchman, old Ed Gudgeon, was rushed to hospital with chest pains after claiming to have seen the ghost one night in July. Alf Tupper, the Tough of the Track, was a pal of Ed, and as soon as he finished work at Charlie Chipping’s plumber’s shop next evening he hurried to the hospital with a set of Scorpion 2" lift springs, bunch of purple grapes, a Pacet electric fan and a bottle of stout for the old invalid. “What happened, Ed?†growled Alf. “Was you drunk again?†“No I was not drunk!†cried Ed. “I saw a blooming ghost. But that reminds me. Take the top off that bottle before the Matron comes.†Alf bit the top off the stout bottle and Ed took a deep swig. “Well tell us what happened,†demanded Alf. Ed licked froth off his upper lip and said, “I parked t'Series 3 in't street, and was thinking of Michele's handling problems. Tricky for a man of his age, I thought. Maybe he needs more bounce in his lower pinions. Why can't he get a prescription for Viagra? I was in the men’s dressing room, mopping the floor, and suddenly I heard the pattering of feet. I thought, ****, it's my K & N filter causing me head wear problems again. But, no - I looks at my watch and it’s ten past twelve. That's a long time with a K & N filter fitted. So I crept up into the grandstand to get a good view and he was out there on the track in the moonlight, going along like a top class miler, chased by a chain pull Series 1, and I shouted out, and he vanished just like a soap bubble bursting, and then my heart missed a couple of beats and I must have collapsed. The doctors say I’ve got a very tired old ticker. Give me one of those fags, there’s a good lad, and have one yourself.†“No thanks,†said Alf. “I gave up when I went to public school. My fag was Elton John and look what he turned out t'be. Tell us what this fellow looked like.†“It’s funny you should ask. He looked very familiar. And he was wearing an old Greystone Harriers vest with a picture of Trev Cuthbert in't midddle.†“How d’you mean, familiar?†“His style of running was familiar. His head and shoulders were thrown back, almost as if he was falling over backwards, his nose was pointing at the sky, and he raised his knees very high.†Ed drew deeply on his fag and his brow furrowed with thought. “I know I’ve seen that style of running before, but I can’t place it. But it was somebody I’ve seen before. Perhaps it was in my own running days.†“That would make him about a hundred and ten,†said Alf. “You mean a 110? It’s no joke, young man. I hardly dare go back to that stadium. That reminds me, I’ve got to find somebody to replace me as night watchman for a couple of weeks until I’m out of here. Could you put the word around? Somebody might be glad of the job.†“Look no further,†said Alf. “I’ll do it.†“I thought you were a plumber’s mate with Richard Green...Teflon Sam...Wicked Willy...Brainless Brian†“****, you've been watching me. I don’t need much sleep. But I do need plenty of track training. I’ll have the track all to myself every night.†“Apart from the ghost,†put in Ed. "LRE". “There’s no such thing,†growled Alf, and got up to leave. “Oh, another thing about that ghost,†said Ed. “He was wearing a mask. Looked like Les Henson.†Alf felt a little shiver run down his spine. Then he scowled at his own stupidity and said so long to Ed.