Hybrid_From_Hell Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Last Sunday, What a dreadfull day, Everything that could go wrong did, It was one of those days when I should have just got back into bed and stayed there, but no not me, I just had to keep hoping (it didn't) that it would get better. For starters there was the 'Half Awake' grumpy me, being cajoled by SWMBO when I got up to go in the garage to get the meat out for dinner, so, in dressing gown and Sues Flip Flop, I wondered into the workshop, admiring the large pair of battery terminal clamps ......balanced on the milling Machine, ....opposite the fridge. Rumage rumage where is the blasted meat ........... "Have you found it yet ?".... "Eh ?", ... stand up and try to listen to SWMBO thro a wall, .....difficult, .....especially when the finely balanced clamps have just hit the top of the boney bit of my foot, ......and I have just about managed to not scream (7.05am), and hobbled back into the house (with meat) and lump on instep. Really helpfull, was the "whats happended ?" comment, followed by the immortal and classic .. "Well, that was a stupid thing to do, why don't you keep the garage tider then these things would happen to you would they" yeah thanks, .....well useful and ta for the sympathy. I thought I'd have a nice bath, break the spell maybe, but no, SWMBFO has had the piggin washing machine on flat out since 6.00, so no hot water, I found this after running the bath / hot tap / grumbling and then was informed, ...so B****** to that, ....I'll go straight into the garage. Pick up clamp, about to place on mill, heard SWMBO shouting, stood up, clouted head on mill table (2.75 tons - doesn't "Give" much ), to hear more immortal words of wisdom .... "Make sure you have you steel boots on incase you hurt yourself more " ....yeah thanks, mutter selection of anglo saxon under breath, try to focus properly , and sit down. Decided to sort out simple piece of welding, now yesterday (the saturday) had done Jons 90 crossmember, all was well, we even managed to re tap and sort out the welding tip. Weld weld, slpatter - wot ?.....run out of gas, I have a new full bottle, no, you have an empty bottle, phone mate, yes he is there, go fetch bottle. Return 1 hour later, foot and head still hurting, foot is like in rythum with my head,..... take asprin from bathroom cabinet. After spending 20 mins cleaning carpet from walking oil in house and getting B*********. return to workshop. weld weld...... Oh gawd now what ?... wire jammed. Strip rollers clean re assemble, and then stop again. Replacing the wire liner I "laughed" as to the progress of my day, marvelled when I then got down to welding up mates bracket how much better the welder was, .......and stood stunned when I had it dawned on me that I had welded it so nicely, but erm, back to front...... 1 hour+ later, bracket fixed, with mate standing near sniggering. Lunch. Nice sarny made by Sue was brought in to cheer me up, looked lovely, she popped it on the work surface, along with coffeee, I finished my job sat down and ate odd tasting sarny. It dawned on me why when I drank the coffee, the bits from angle grinding had drfited gently over settling on sarny and coffee. Deep Joy. I decided to get the Pulley off the V8 for a project, nothing could be simpler, with the 23mm socket on I huffed puffed and grunted, it didn't wnat to move, with a 3 foot breaker and me pulling as hard as I could nothing moved. Oh, apart from my nose, which smacked something whilst under the F 90 when I sneezed hard, I lay dizzy again for 10 minutes listening to mate over the road roaring with laughter cos he came over when I screamed a selection of well known anglo saxon phrases from under the 90...and threw tools out from under it I phoned mate, by now 'slighty curt' and asked if it "was a F Left hand F Thread or F wot ?" Laughing he said, no, and would come over Mit big windy gun, and "Whizz it off". He did, it didn't, 2 hours later with the rad out front end off, and a 18 stone mate with 3 foot bar extension rod and lots of grunts finally it moved, I thought it had sheared but he said "Its Ok" The heavens now opened, and I got soaked clearing up the tools I'd thrown everywhere. I'd had a rubdish day, Sue had popped out to see a mte, so I decided to have a nice long relaxing bath, along with a beer or 2. Into house, up stairs run bath, disrobe, admire 'dents' and 'injuries' of the day, get in bath with beer no 1, just settled, first glug, .....and phone rings. "F it was one immeadite thought, .......other was could be Sue could be a problem". Nip downstairs with sod all on,.... answer phone,..... mate wanting something, ......had brief chat, .....placed phone down, back into bath, ..........4th glug phone again FFS Down stairs again, ....sod all on, ....water dripping everywhere, .....phone stops, 1471 call withheld, well ******* to them then, nip in lounge, grab portable phone, wave (Embarrased) at neighbour lady person over the road, back in bath. Now for the silly bit.............. We have a long bath, the tap is a big mixer in the middle of the side, it noramlly has a plastic plug in it, but had been remove to clean off the calcium build up, lying there sore and bruised, fed up and rather p****d off, my lager was placed on the side of the bath, and I relaxed. I suddenly was aware my finger had got stuck in the tap, I had fiddled with the tap, and now it was jammed, I tried for a couple of minutes to get me finger out, but it was in there. Thinking that I at least had the phone to call for help (Oh yeah great superb which one of my P***taking mates would be the least stupid to ask), I thought about my options, ......it was just then that the washer in the tap did what all old washers do, l...eaked a bit.... RED hot water, jump ?... yeah I would say, very much so, emptying half the friggin contents of the bath, oh yeah my finger did come out, but in the process, I managed to belt my head on the back of the bath, my foot on god knows what, and my elblow against the other side of the bath, oh knocking one larger in the bath, and the other all over the floor. Decided that "F*** It was the order of the day, got out, cleaned up, went downstairs to cook my nice staeak and found that 'ferel treasure' had already eaten most of it, the rest 'chewy up bit' sat on the floor, along with the remains of the wrapper. Just F dandy, yippeeeee F doo, ..........and B******* I had had enough Got another beer sat down and wondered why I had ever not just got back into bed at 7.06 and stayed there. mentioned the above to JW and Tonk, both PTSL, so enjoy my wonderfull Sundays memories , Jon siad mate (Daryl() saw him in the week and he was PHSL at wot a foul mood I was in when he arrived, thought it even better when Jon told him it got worse..... Nige Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arrolman Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 PMSL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muckshifta Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 shouldnt laugh but thats funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evil90 Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Blimey sounds just like one of my normal days when i am trying to make progress yet when i aint too bothered about progress everything goes swimmingly and without a hitch you just cannot win Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will_warne Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Nige, as always, that's brightened up my day that has been mostly spent in traffic dropping off diffs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Raider Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Question. What colour flip flops? xxx Mand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hybrid_From_Hell Posted April 13, 2006 Author Share Posted April 13, 2006 Oh Gawd,.......... Pink sparkly ones. Honest Nige Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BogMonster Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 God I haven't been at the "chokingly short of breath and about to swallow own tongue" stage of laughter since the brake fluid and scampi story Better luck next weekend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
western Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Nige, another classic tale, always a great read, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s2hotdog Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Sort of day I have quite reguarly But I could never tell it like you Nige Great story Cheers Steve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Raider Posted April 13, 2006 Share Posted April 13, 2006 Oh Gawd,..........Pink sparkly ones. Honest Nige YOU SO DIDNT WANT TO ADMIT THAT ON HERE NIGE!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Superbly written Nige that just cracked me up mate God I haven't been at the "chokingly short of breath and about to swallow own tongue" stage of laughter since the brake fluid and scampi story please, do tell Bogmonster, I could do with another laugh gary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BogMonster Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 please, do tell Bogmonster, I could do with another laugh Would you like brake fluid with your Scampi sir? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Would you like brake fluid with your Scampi sir? OMG, I nearly p8ssed myself laughing.................. this man is a comic genius ! His garage should be on paid webcam viewing, he make a fortune ! These 2 stories have made me laugh uncontrollably, fantastic ! BogMonster, your a star mate, thanx for posting the "Scampi" link........... I was laughing and gagging at the same time, brilliant I'm off to bed now chuckling all the way. tonight, I leave a very happy forum member Regards, gary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Niall_CSK Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Excellent HFH, puts my bad days in perspective Don't feel bad, just think how much mirth & joy you are bringing to the rest of us What is it with women that they seem to think mens hearing is so much better than theirs that we can hear through walls, when you do answer to say "what" the reply is usually along the lines of "I can't hear you from there dear" duh! When I do ask the, to me, logical question "where are you?" the inevitable reply is "here" when I was really hoping for something helpful like 'in the kitchen' or 'in the bedroom' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exmoor Beast Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Another crackin' day then Nige. Most of mine go something like that. Will Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon White Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 :-).....superb.............you didnt tell me the cat had eaten your dinner!!! Chuckles........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffbeaumont Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 :-).....superb.............you didnt tell me the cat had eaten your dinner!!! Chuckles........ Was it getting its own back for the waxoyl incident? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hybrid_From_Hell Posted April 15, 2006 Author Share Posted April 15, 2006 Nope Cat was asleep upstairs at the start of all this, its me being a clumsy F***** and half asleep..... Just for Mandy, the "Guilty" items, complete with oil imprints so another B******g for moi Very Fetchin' intthey ? Nige Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Raider Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 you know what i am buying you for Christmas now dont you Nige??? By the way why do i have the video "i want to break free" by Queen, running through my head??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turbocharger Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 Aargh - this is the closest I can find to the Original And Best "Catzoyl" story. Please tell me we haven't lost the transcript of Nige's defining moment...? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FridgeFreezer Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 Gawd I hope not You'll be pleased to hear Kitteeetect are still in business: KitteeeTect Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterW Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 OMG, I nearly p8ssed myself laughing..................this man is a comic genius ! His garage should be on paid webcam viewing, he make a fortune ! These 2 stories have made me laugh uncontrollably, fantastic ! BogMonster, your a star mate, thanx for posting the "Scampi" link........... I was laughing and gagging at the same time, brilliant I'm off to bed now chuckling all the way. tonight, I leave a very happy forum member Regards, gary I was having a sh!t day until I read those... I'm now typing through the tears..!! Fantastic, glad its not just me that has those sorts of days Cheers Pete Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BogMonster Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 The original Waxoyl Cat thread is still on LRA somewhere but as it isn't working at the moment (as usual) I can't search for it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BogMonster Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 However.... shortly before Richard Green pulled the plug on the LRE forum I saved it as one of the threads I didn't want to lose, so here it is, Nigel's defining moment of glory ---- One of my Pratt moments ?, or just “unlucky” The winch event I’m organising looms close, very close, Sunday to be precise, and I have been burning the midnight oil to get things sorted on the 90 V8 as I am COC…. The new 12,000 Hydraulic Winch is working (a tale in itself) he cage is 90% done (all the inside tight to the bodywork done as per ealier post), radio is in (ta Jon), ARB lockers work, cubby box fitted (CB Going in it), and loads of other work has been done…….. Waxoil…. I really wanted to get some of this into the chassis before I started using it, so tonight was planned to be the night for waxoiling the inside of the chassis…. I had gone to halfords and bought 2 gallons, and knocked off work early… I also had the real benefit of Sue (SWMBO) was out tonight, so I had since 3.00pm been shoving the 2 gallon cans into the sink with near boling water……. I should have known things were going to go “slightly wrong” when I started…. I decided to use Jons Waxoil gun, and my compressor, I had the propane burner on in the workshop since 3.,00pm flat out and it was like the sahara, in fact it was so hot I decided a T shirt and shorts was the dress code……… Grabbing some white spirit to further thin the waxoil I entered the kitchen and unscrewed the waxoil lid… Thhhhuuuumpppppppp !…grwat big snotty big dollop spewed out over the kitchen worksurface........, no probs I thought, ...I’ll sort that out when I’ve finished, as I might make "a little bit more mess yet", .....glad Sues not in…. Clutching bloody hot waxoil injector thingy, part filled with waxoil and mixed with very very warm white spirit I squirted and soaked the chassis blasting away, and also practising holding my breath .....as it went misty in the workshop…. 1 Gallon later I was nearly there, I was at the rear cross member, with yet another huge refill……. I ought to point out that I had also decided that at some of the angles I was at pulling and holding the trigger was a pain in the Ar&e...( I have a really bad back) so I had devised a cunning lock of an elastic band on the trigger so that I could let it do it things whilst it sprayed away…… Shove tube into hole and pull trigger….lock and waggle etc… Enter my wifes love of her life….. The cat…. It sat there and looked at me the way only a cat can….it sniffed (unapprovingly) the dripped waxoil, and I said… “Huh, you don’t want to be in here matey, this stuff will stick to your fur like sh*t to a blanket”……and at that very point the jammed on tube extension came off the gun… Could I release the elastic band round the trigger ?… Could I Boll*cks…. The gun squirted warm waxoil / white spirit out at a force never so far experienced, one particularly good jet hit the cat, who bolted, knocking over the 2/3 empty (1/3 full) can of hot waxoil / white spirt mix, which flowed oh so well under the landy, and into my clothes T shirt and clothes and skin areas exposed..., but I was still fighting with the hot octopus trying to switch the damned thing off, but I failed, I was saved when it just ran out….. Just when I thought nothing could get worse than lying under a Land Rover with waxoil soaked clothes, waxoil dripping onto my hair and face, and running into my ears…. Some waxoil drpped onto the lead lamp…. Ping…. Blackness……. Blackness as it also pinged the fuse for the lighting circuit, getting myself out of the underneath of the landy proved friutfull, in that I knew all the places that waxoil had “leaked” …… Removing dripping clothes I entered house in “minimal Clothes” to resolve fuse prob, when Lights went on I saw the cat… I AM GOING TO DIE IF SHE SEES THIS ! Here Puddie cattie…… This did not improve the sink / kitchen area 1 little jot, .....ever tried holding a 'waxoiled cat' in a sink with water and rags, and especially when cat does not enjoy it ?…. 1 hour later cat was scrubbed and very piss7d off with me, I’ve had 2 baths, and also cleaned the bath it seems that the bath will not be rusty….scrubbed kitchen fllor, sink, worktop Will she notice…. Cat stinks, garage sticks, alley way stinks, I stink, kitchen smells of lemon washing up liquid, which strangely we seem to nearly be out of ?….floor stinks…… She will be back any minute……. [gulp] Nice job on the Landy tho....... :-))) Nige Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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