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Les Henson

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A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman

may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a

description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper

ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch...you may choose any man

from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot

go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband

Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely

good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good

looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead

gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign


Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this

floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to



(sexist pig)

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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ

so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars

thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with

their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting

into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't

feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to

hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman

enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She

responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am

and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to


The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time

with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a

big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she

tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide

which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new

shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each

outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a

pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must

have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think

she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she

doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop

when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual

satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited

anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go

to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't

feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled


I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for

me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had

this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just

love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

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I gather that department store shared its top floor with a men's department store; at the top floor the men were queuing up, as they had similarly climbed past several floors of increasingly beautiful women, to success, watching the guy at the front of the queue sucking a fat bald chap of the name of cess? :P

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here, in the spirit of humour, is one that I hope is acceptable:

"I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labour

* I work at great depths

* I am always using my head first

* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays

* I work in a damp environment

* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties

* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

* I work in high temperatures

* My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from Human Resources

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight

* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

* You do not always follow the orders of the management team

* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas

* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks

* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits

* You don't like working double shifts

* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work

* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!"

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