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Les Henson

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Got some bad news.... I've caught that bird flu. I know it's bird flu because I've started to talk rubbish, wear make-up & suddenly I'm really carp at parking the car. :D

Les. :P

Should we now refer the "Bird flu" as Turkey flu? The recent TV news coverage has been a bit closer to home than China and Vietnam and could get out of control unless the authorities get their fingers out. :(

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Bird related, but not bird flu related!

Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family ....you've got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".

"Never" replies Brian

"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken b@$*ard, you're sh*tting the bed"

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This is all completely untrue ! I cannot remember ever getting that drunk on a Friday night ! In fact, I'll go as far as to say I cannot remember any Friday night !

Mind you, I don't have to, all my mates and 'er inside do and tell me all the details quite enthusiastically the next day.

She would never whack me round the head either ! Not in my house, not ever ! It was a bucket of water.

I didn't sh*t the bed either, just coz you saw me doing the laundry all the next day !



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Got these from my Sister

One for Nige on a Bad day :lol:


Ever wondered where that Stupid Idea came from -----


now you know :lol:

Don't mess with the wife or girlfriend if it's their time or you might see this lot in 1 go


All you guys take note


Bet your shed/garage isn't this cold :lol:


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