Les Henson Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Got some bad news.... I've caught that bird flu. I know it's bird flu because I've started to talk rubbish, wear make-up & suddenly I'm really carp at parking the car. Les. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom P Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 haha i will have to remember that one. Tom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigfoot Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 I've just copied that and sent it to Frances - my email-joke friend. I'll give full credit to Les, of course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BogMonster Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Bird flu, bah! When was the last time you heard a chicken sneeze? Good joke though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nas90 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Got some bad news.... I've caught that bird flu. I know it's bird flu because I've started to talk rubbish, wear make-up & suddenly I'm really carp at parking the car. Les. Should we now refer the "Bird flu" as Turkey flu? The recent TV news coverage has been a bit closer to home than China and Vietnam and could get out of control unless the authorities get their fingers out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LR90 Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 You know if its real bird flu cos you'll have a high temp and overwhelming need to plop on a car window Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
western Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 LOL nice one Les & Trev Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Raider Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Soooooooo Funny ......NOT!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Raider Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 ok i am bad it parking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minivin Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 ok i am bad it parking! Not that me being twitchy in the passenger seat as you backed upto my BMW had anything to do with it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Raider Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hybrid_From_Hell Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Copyright 'Tonk Enterprises' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ROGUE TROOPER Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Got some bad news.... I've caught that bird flu. I know it's bird flu because I've started to talk rubbish, wear make-up & suddenly I'm really carp at parking the car. Les. No change then Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkieB Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 ok i am bad it parking! you can safely make those kind of comments now you've got more than 500 posts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Raider Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Nothing to do with posts just got in there before others did! if you cant take the pee out of yourself and all that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orange Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Doesn't anyone else think that there is something a bit sus, what with the BIRD FLU being in TURKEY....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Maybe, but it's the bloke flu you've got to watch out for! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve King Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Bird related, but not bird flu related! Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?". The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family ....you've got to send me back straight away". St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen" And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Brian, wake up you drunken b@$*ard, you're sh*tting the bed" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 This is all completely untrue ! I cannot remember ever getting that drunk on a Friday night ! In fact, I'll go as far as to say I cannot remember any Friday night ! Mind you, I don't have to, all my mates and 'er inside do and tell me all the details quite enthusiastically the next day. She would never whack me round the head either ! Not in my house, not ever ! It was a bucket of water. I didn't sh*t the bed either, just coz you saw me doing the laundry all the next day ! Regards, Brian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve King Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiWhite Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Apparantly Bird Flu makes you really peckish too....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Les Henson Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 Christ you should arrest yourself for that one! Now where's that mattress and the steps to the cells! Les. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will_warne Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 STOP PRESS: Bird flu cure found.... ... wing clipping Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minivin Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 STOP PRESS: Bird flu cure found....... wing clipping that took me a second and then a groaned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
western Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Got these from my Sister One for Nige on a Bad day Ever wondered where that Stupid Idea came from ----- now you know Don't mess with the wife or girlfriend if it's their time or you might see this lot in 1 go All you guys take note Bet your shed/garage isn't this cold Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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